Dear Mount Redoubt,

All the other volcanos are laughing at you.

What the fuck kind of volcano are you?! You're supposed to strike terror in the hearts' of homeowners everywhere. Farting ash five times a night is not terrifying... maybe to your volcano girlfriend but NOT to the rest of us. So... what's the deal, volcano? It seems every douchebag that comes out of Alaska these days is an attention starved whore.........................................

You should run for Retarded... I mean, Republican office in 2012 too!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but all the volcanos in my hood said, "you'za fag. You don't erupt, you just a flamer." I know that hurts, but god dammit I'm trying to help you here! Everyone is Mount Redoubting your sexuality with each little limp-wristed puff of ash. There has even been talk of you frolicking around a Pottery Barn with Lance Bass looking at window treatments. It's only a matter of time until that shit is on perezhilton.com, volcano!

Don't act brand new...MAN THE FUCK UP AND ERUPT ALREADY.

thanks,

angryturtle